i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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