When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
