Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
