Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
