moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
