Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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