After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
