I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
