I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
