Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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