Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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