I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
