spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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