I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
