What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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