Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
