my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
