Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
