all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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