Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
