I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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