I want to walk on stilts...naked
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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