So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
