my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
