I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
