I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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