i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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