TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
