if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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