smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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