So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
