Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
