it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
