three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
