So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
