is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
