i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
