This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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