when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
