he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
