Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
