I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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