apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
