for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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