My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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