I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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