I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
