He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
