The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
