the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
