You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
