glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My liver just had a heart attack.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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