i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
