talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
