There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
