I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
